Rory's letter.

Mon Petite Ami,

As I lay here in bed next to your sleeping father, my mind cannot help but drift to you peacefully slumbering in your so carefully furnished room. Before you arrived it had become my mission to make you a nursery as perfect and complete as possible. I wanted to give you the world. I lovingly chose each detail, making certain that even the smallest of things be a reflection of the love that I carry for you.
I know that even though you are only 3 months old, you understand. You never cry anymore when you are put to rest and in the morning we are met with the gummiest of smiles. One day when you are grown and know the ways of the world, I will tell you the story of how you came to me. Hopefully then, you will realize how important you have become in my life. Oh, how I wanted you. You literally were a dream come true for me. Having experienced a childless marriage I had tried to come to terms with the fact that I might never look upon my own baby's face. Through the grace of God, I met your father. Quite possibly one of the worlds most perfect husbands. Although, you were a surprise, you were no less rejoiced. I started writing letters such as this on the day we found out about you. I saved every scrap, every momento and document of your journey as if to prove to myself you really did exist and you were not just a figment of my imagination.
From the moment I knew you, before you were even born, as a baby in my belly, you changed me. From the inside out I became a different woman. I loved the way you felt swishing around. First a tiny gold fish, swimming in my bowl of a belly then into a painter, roller brushing my insides. From your hiccups to your kicks, I savored EVERY moment. I loved being pregnant with you. Of course there were the trials every pregnant woman must face, I peed..a lot. I became huge like a house, and things that fell on the floor.. well that's where they stayed. But from beginning to end it was absolutely amazing and finally your birthday came and they placed you into my arms. You were simply beautiful.
There are three things that are burned into my memory of that day. First, your daddy's amazing eyes, I was so afraid of the birth and I searched the delivery room for him, panicked because I couldn't see him. Then he appeared, covered from head to toe in baby blue scrubs and all I could see were his eyes, the eyes you will undoubtedly turn to during your own moments of uncertainty. Remember your daddy's eyes Rory, those eyes calmed your mamma, cried tears of joy at the first sight of you and wrinkle from laughter when seeing you smile and one day baby, they won't be here to draw us in and capture us with their knowing beauty. The second thing I remember is the sound of your sweet song of new life. It was the most pure innocent Melody I had ever experienced, you drew in each breath and let out a gurlgley little cry. The tears you shed that day will be the only tears of yours for many years to come that I will rejoice at. Any others you will never pass alone, because I will be right there crying with you. The third thing was the mob of black hair on your head, if I hadn't witnessed first hand your birth I would never have comprehended the truth of you being for me. Perfection is all I can come up with for lack of a better word. You were so utterly beautiful. I was not a pretty baby, I resembled something like a cross between a pink E.T. and a cucumber. In fact, most babies are not beautiful when they are first born, but you were. Not a blemish marred your porcelain skin, your eyes were a big steely blue, always open as if you were trying to digest all of your surroundings all of the time. your lips a rosy pink bud blooming from your tiny mouth, you didn't stick your tongue out like most babies do. Instead, you would draw them together as if to say "shhh, quiet now, I AM a baby after all". Your face was as round and full as the most exquisite china doll and your cheeks were a blushed pink. And crowning the top of all the things I deemed perfection was a nest of the softest darkest locks I had ever seen on a newborn. I say locks because it was so long. It framed your face like a halo frames an angels head, begging even strangers to stroke it. Now at 3 months it is starting to tease us with curls, tickling your ears and turning up to form downy soft ringlets. My son, I will enjoy those curls and prolong them indefinitely if given the opportunity and fear the day you will sit in a barbers for that first cut. Inevitably that moment will come and I will bravely be there camera in tow, tears rolling down my cheeks as I capture a small right of passage every little boy must endure on his way to becoming a man. (This however, does not mean that I am giving you permission to grow your hair out into a faux hawk or a mullet or even a surfer dude shag when u become a teenager)
The first week you were home our house was flooded with well wishers. I am sure your little body ached from all the handling and as much as I loved showing you off, my favorite times were after the day had ended and I had you all to myself. Holding you for hours, I inspected every inch of your tiny body. I listened to the sound of your erratic breathing and watched you sleep. It was during one of those moments that you smiled. Although it was only a reaction to a sweet dream you were having, I couldn't help but become emotional. It was then, in that second, that I had an epiphany. Not only did I always want for your safety and happiness, I wanted you to always have good dreams, never to wake frightened from a nightmare, never to feel the prick of a sticker, the sting of a bee. Never to feel the pain of a broken heart or the shame of embarrassment. I want the big things in life for you Rory, but also the little things. I have come to realize the older I get that if you don't appreciate the little things that come your way you won't recognize the big ones when they do. So even the little things are significant. The pyramids of Egypt are built one small block at a time. Many layers of blocks adding over time to become something great and strong able to withstand anything that has come against it. Yet if even one block is removed, the integrity of the pyramid is broken and it will be only a matter of time before it fails. We are like that. Many small good attributes build us into something great. Ask just about any person what makes a person great and they will tell you; success, fortune, intelligence, bravery. I think that while that is true, many little things can make a person great also.
I wish so many things for your life Rory. I too wish for the things aforementioned, however; above all, I wish you to be an honorable man. Being honorable is often underrated. When you say something Rory, I want you to mean it. Because as both of your great-gram paws, Henry and Lester said "If you don't have your word, you ain't got nothin" and it really is true. If you want people to respect you, you earn it by being honorable. Remember, respect is earned, it is not commanded. It is a gift people give you for being honorable and making good on your word.
Be good to the environment. My paw paw Henry always would tell me "Leah, be good to the land and it will be good to you". He would log his land for money and then replant trees to make amends with mother nature. He would fertilize the earth and it would repay him with beautiful vegetables for us to eat. You don't have to save the world Rory, but you can do one small thing at a time to make it a better place. Never litter baby, it's just trashy. Turn off the lights. (U will hear me yell at you for this one day I'm sure) and if you cut something down, replace it somewhere else. I want you to enjoy our beautiful Louisiana, it really is my third love.
Appreciate art. All types. Even if something seems ugly or a poem sounds silly or a dance absurd, take a moment to look at it, try and figure out why the artist expressed themselves that way. Try and read their mind through their medium. You will always find the beauty in it I promise.
Travel far and wide. Experience our planet and what it has to offer, but never forget the road home because like a faithful companion it will always be there waiting for you to come back.
Become worldly. Experience the sights and sounds of other cultures. Taste their food, listen to their music, drink their wines, speak their languages, but keep in the back of your mind that our Louisiana is still the best of them all.
Be proud of your heritage and culture, embrace it, learn it, love it and share it. Know your history of this mystical place we live in and treat it as though it were an endangered species. Learn to fish and teach your children to. Boil crawfish and crabs for your daddy and salty peanuts for me. Learn how to make a good roux. Eat raw oysters and at least once dance to some Zydeco. Go to New Orleans, have a Hurricane, eat at Mothers and experience Mardi Gras. (Preferably after I'm dead). Never underestimate the force of Louisiana weather either. Evacuate. Evacuate. Evacuate. I lived through Katrina and it is something I will never forget nor do again. Staying makes you stupid not brave. Chew sugarcane, crack pecans and shuck oysters. Study french when you can, speak it as often as possible and when you meet the woman of your dreams ask her to marry you in french and she will love you for the rest of your life. (It IS the most romantic language after all...)
Never steal sweet boy. If you really need it the good Lord will find a way to give it to you. If someone steals from you, think to yourself; they must have needed it more than me. Never grieve over lost or stolen things because it is all just material. Be generous and giving with your blessings. Your pappa told me once "You never see a hearse with luggage racks" and he is right, you certainly can't take it with you.
Do not cave to the vices of society. Drink in moderation and do not smoke. I cannot begin to tell you the losses I have experienced during my life time to people who have succumbed to their addictions. I have cried myself to sleep on more nights than I should have, holding your father close to my chest and listening to the rhythm of his breathing, wondering if his life will be cut short and knowing how powerless i am to stop him. It not only hurts yourself but it hurts the ones who love you too.
Be modest and humble. No one likes a braggart.
Tell the truth MOST times and Lie SPARINGLY. You would never want to tell your wife she is hefty..(See why I gave u some lee-way?)
Never tell your parents or spouse or children "I hate you" or "shut up". It causes irreversible pain and once said almost from then on the respect is gone. I, for the record, have never told my mother or father those things and I never will. One day they will be gone and I want their minds never to have wander to that thought for the rest of their time here.
Make an effort to know your older relatives. I cannot begin to tell you how thankful I am to have been close to so many of my aunts and uncles and grandparents. They offer so much guidance. Sometimes they can surprise you with their humor as well. My normally chatty great Aunt Carmen had slyly stolen some milk duds caramel candy from me once and after a long moment of unusual silence I asked her why she was so quiet, to which she pulled her dentures out and replied "hell, you wouldn't talk either if your teeth were stuck together" ! I still smile when I think of that. You will never regret going the extra mile for knowing and loving the older roots of your family tree.
Never become angry or bitter with God for putting obstacles in the way of the things you desire most, He does this to see how truly worthy we are of them. Remember, everyone will go through tough times but if God doesn't test us, we may never know how strong we really are. Most importantly baby, pray every night and day. Pray for your health and loved ones, pray for your world leaders that they may make Holy and sound decisions. Pray for forgiveness and guidance. Pray that God put a hedge of protection around you and your family. Pray for spiritual peace and any fears or anxieties you have just lift them right on up to Him and off your shoulders and I promise you it will all work out.. It always does.
Work hard and be proud of what ever job you do but never let it consume your life. Those precious family moments are so fleeting and although your kids might enjoy the extracurricular activities your overtime pays for, there is nothing more memorable to a child than spending time with their daddy.
And finally when your mamma is old, grey, needing a place to stay, a person to wipe her butt and a hand to help pry apart her sticky dentures, don't forget I still have that naked picture of you playing with barbie dolls in the bathtub.... Kidding! If you don't remember anything else about me know that I have loved you more than anyone in the world has ever loved anyone.

J'taime mon Chere'! Arvoire.

Mamma

I raise my white flag of surrender..

New to blogging, I have finally succomed to the 21st century and all of the addictions and obsessions that come along with it. Out are the 1990's chatrooms and group forums and in are the facebook, blogs and IMing with all of its tweets and posts and never ending updates..Alas! Do you really care what I am doing every second of the day? Doesn't matter, it's fun anyway. enjoy